Twiglets; wherein we first encounter Certified Max

Well it doesn't look like any of you other dudes are going to introduce my, so allow myself to introduce.. myself. It's your homie Certified Max from the crew Certified Bananas, and I'm here to talk excellent munchables.



anyway... I met Mike 2600 Theee Casual Male on a recent trip to Minneapolis for a gig and when the dude took me out for a Jucy Lucy I knew I had found a kindred spirit. When I heard he organized a snack blog that multiple other DJs post on, I had to get on. So here we go. I'm going to start with one of my favorites, Twiglets.



Twiglets are a British snack food that looks.. well, a bit like a twig. The snack is a thin, somewhat jagged stick with a rough mottled brown exterior. The taste? Well, if you like Marmite, you're gonna love these. If you don't, you might like them ok too, but that's basically the flavor, like marmite, vegemite or nutrition yeast. They also, apparently, have other spices and flavorings including dried cheese, white pepper and celery.

The body of the twiglet is made out of whole wheat flour and baked, which means they're actually not bad for you, as these things go. They're also baked until fairly dark, which really effects the flavor, imparting deep, toasty notes that work really well with the salty yeast. The texture is remarkably crunchy, crispy and light, which makes them MAD SNACKABLE.

I learned about these by spending many hours in British bars. They taste terrific with a beer, or really with just about any other drink. Salty, crunchy, not too bad for you--the only downside is that you can't really get them here in the states. For more info, check http://www.awholelotofcrunch.com/, which seems to be a Twiglet-obsessed fan site. I stole photos from them because the signing bonus I received for joining the blog didn't cover a new digi camera...

So, here's the breakdown using the Snack Attack System:

Taste 8 - As I said above, deeply savory with the marmite-y yeast, spices, salt, and toasted whole wheat. Kind of a love it or hate sort of thing, but I love 'em and I find most other people do too.

Packaging 5 - In a normal chip bag, with graphics that are kind of satisfying in a mid-nineties kind if way, but pretty boring. The text on the word "Orginal" reminds me of the old Stussy font, ya dig? Oh yeah, I also like their new slogan "A whole lot of crunch in a whole wheat munch!"

Overall Snackability 8.5 - The shape and size, combined with a flavor that really grows on you and a knack for being consumed alongside beer makes these highly snackable. I'm marking them down a hair because I can't get them easily, which makes them less snackable.

Sour Apple / Mystery Flavor Chewy Candy

I know, I know, Japanese snack week done been over for a while now, but I still have a ton of leftover snacks which need reviewing, so just sit tight and enjoy the backlog (ayo). Anyways, this is one pack in a series of different fruit-flavored chewy candy snacks. The consistency is similar to Laffy Taffy, but each piece has little bubble tea-like balls all up in it for a sort of flavor / texture bonus. The sour apple flavor is spot on, but the Snack Attack staff was all perplexed as we attempted to identify this flavor:



My second or third guess ended up being right, but we were all over the taste map trying to nail it down. Leave your guess in the comments section and I'll reveal the answer later.

Taste (9) Smooth, fruity, and mysterious.

Packaging (7) Really dope - Smiling fruit, good colors, great type, and awesome subtle printing on the silver candy wrappers.

Overall snackability rating (7) Sour apple is awesome, mystery flavor is very good, but nothing unbelievable.

Giant Pocky

DUDE, THESE THINGS ARE HUGE!!!

So much more enjoyable than straight up regular Pocky. Almost as good a conversation piece as Pocky Men's, but these are by far the dominating force in the world of chocolate-covered stick-related snacks. Seeing as I normally eat Pockies by the two or three, this is basically like cutting to the chase. Giant Pocky is much more satisfying and sumptuous than regular Pocky, they're cooler looking, each one is individually wrapped, and it's just a superior snacking experience.

Taste (9) Delicious. The same flavor as Napoleon-sized Pocky, but just bigger. There's more substance here.

Packaging (7) Huge box, great presentation. No weird or funny graphics, but you don't really need it here.

Size (FUCKING HUGE)

Overall Snackability Rating (9) Damn right.

GABA (or something else written in Japanese that I cant read)

Despite Mike being a known sexist, I decided to accept his invitation to blog about snacks because it is a topic I feel very strongly about(-even moreso than my distaste for demeaning women). My first foray into snack blogging led me to a box of grape-flavored 'Gaba'. To it's credit, Gaba is more of an experience than most candies I've eaten. Stage one is the burst of flavor, that can be likened to the ultra-sweet/ tart sensation of a pixie stick. The taste wasn't so much that of an actual grape, but rather the artificial flavoring you've come to recognize as supposed to taste like 'grape'. After you bite through that initial waxy sugar-layer, you get down to the chewy rubbery nugget in the middle that is kind of a surprise. After eating about 10 or so of these things I really just wanted to forgo the chemical explosion at the beginning, and just eat the little rubbery nuggets by themselves. They feel good on your teeth and on that little patch of your gums behind your last molar at the back of your mouth. They're like little rawhide dog-chews for humans.

TASTE (6) Like most Japanese candies, the flavor is a lot like my pimp hand; -that being -'Mad-Strong'. Gaba's overall strength as a snack is it's texture rather than it's flavor. The initial burst on your taste buds is a little bit overpowering; although I could see this aspect being kind of the jam if I was a little kid. I decided to negate a point for the slight acidy / chemical aftertaste

PACKAGING (2) I gotta be honest here, this packaging is kinda bullshit. For Japan, this is not cutting it... And the half-assed Pac-man icon is not doing anything for me either. If it was up to me, I'd instead put a picture of a hot asian with some monster yabbos on there...-or at least an illustration of one.

OVERALL SNACKABILITY RATING (4) I'd eat an entire box of gaba without giving it a second thought, however I would never crave it or go out of my way to eat it.

Japanese Snack Week: Amiyaki Surume

I pretty much love squid. Fried, dried, shredded, sauteed - it's all good in my book. Japan has all kinds of squid snacks - from the typical shredded kind to the super stinky ones that come on little barbeque skewers. Last time I went to JAS mart I picked up these ones which I've never seen before. The English translation on the back simply says "SEASONED SQUID" or "AMIKYAKI SURUME" and there's a little guy on the package with a squid hat and a beer so I assume this is kind of their equivalent to beer nuts. Seem harmless enough...



If the smell doesn't scare you away as soon as you open the bag, maybe the actual squid will. These suckers are big! It's the ENTIRE dried squid, as if it got washed up on the ocean and sat in the sun for weeks. The texture is tough as leather, I felt like I was gonna rip my teeth out when I tried to bite a piece off (I guess you should probably try ripping it into little bite size pieces and let it soak in your mouth till it gets soft). But on the upside, the taste is probably as close to actual "squid" flavor, being that they do not seem to be over salted or flavored with MSG or spice. Really natural and understated. Just don't try and talk to pick up on girls after drinking beer and eating these - squid + alcohol breath = not a good look.


TASTE (5) Kind of bland, but really good if you want a "true" squid flavor.

PACKAGING (7) You gotta love the little guy with the squid hat and beer. Bonus points for the resealable bag that keeps the freshness (and smell) in.

Overall snackability rating (4) If you're hard up for some tough squid action, go for it (and get a six pack of Sapporo while you're at it). Otherwise I'd recommend the shredded variety (SAKI IKA brand is good) or the barbequed stinky kind on a skewer.

Japanese Snack Week: Crunky Caramel

I'm no stranger to Crunky and was pretty stoked to see the familiar logo hidden up in the Japanese snack assortment. Crunky is like the ultimate "DUDE LOOK AT THE NAME OF THIS CANDY BAR!" snack item in Japan, but the best thing is there are all these ill remixes like Air Crunky, Crunky Kids, White Crunky, and Black Crunky. This is one I'd never seen before and was anxious to try it. It definitely lived up to my expectations. The crispies have a malt taste to them while the usual chocolate coating is replaced with a smoky caramel. If you told me this was some kind of coffee-flavored candy bar, I (being a non-coffee drinker) would probably believe you.

Taste (8) Straight up Crunky is good, but can get old after a while, so the caramel variation is welcomed with open arms.

Packaging (8) The blockbuster letters are tough to beat, plus look at those intense opening instructions.

Overall snackability rating (8) Delicious, nicely packaged, fully crunked out.

Japanese Snack Week: Bingo Bongo

I got a bunch of fruitish snacks sent over in the box and this one definitely stood out as the most interesting-looking. These are little fruit sucker things in both strawberry and orange flavors. The flavors are kinda weird - almost medicine-like. I was a little disappointed until I got to the core of the candy - a compacted sugar crystal which somehow manages to stay freezing cold despite being in the middle of that candy inside my 100º degree mouth for ten minutes. Paging Mr. Wizard.

Taste (6) Definitely not as sweet or flavorful as I was hoping for. The crystal center was dope, but I need more overall flavor enjoyment.

Packaging (8) The freaky fruit faces are off the hook. Nice work.

Overall snackability rating (わかりました) I'm more excited about starting the other snacks than I am about finishing this one.

Japanese Snack Week: Pretz Roast

What in the shit is that girl doing on the front of this box of pretzels? Who is she and why did she stop shopping for clothes and hairdos in 1980? I don't know, but I do know that Glico has brought it to your grill with these snacks. I assumed these would be just like Pocky, and although they are packaged just like Pocky and are shaped just like Pocky... okay they're pretty much just like Pocky, but without the chocolate coating. But wait, there's more... the pretzel has a very subtle sweetness, which is a quality only Japan has been able to perfect in its snacks. America, let's go. Step your game up. It's sort of like shortbread sweet, but has that nice pretzel snap to it. Very good.

Taste (8) Sweet, savory, salty... it's all here. Coat these in chocolate and you'll be on your way to 10dom.

Packaging (8) Creepy girl illustration, cool type design, excellent screenprinted inner bag design. Very well thought out.

Overall snackability rating おいしい!!!

Emerald Tropical Blend Trail Mix

Big NEWS at Snack Attack. Your trusted (not so trusted to some) snack author will be taking a break from the sugar candy and replacing it with fruit, nuts, berries and anything I can find growing in a ditch off of 35W. The Snack Man really let me down this last month and dropped my snacking level to "eating pretty much anything with sugar in it." I will be trying to offer snacking alternatives when you gotta have that fix.

Today's find is Emerald Tropical Blend Trail Mix featuring; glazed walnuts, natural cashews, granola clusters, shaved coconut, dried mango and pineapple. I ended up getting some of this because I could not find the pistachios and was not let down. I like coconut, always have, probably always will, so I grabbed this variety. I don't know much about Emerald Trail mix, but it looked like something I could enjoy. What I didn't know is that Diamond Foods, Inc. (Nasdaq: DMND), developed a patented process for producing great-tasting glazed snack nuts. This is what they claim and I now trust them fully, you may want to also.

Taste (8) I could go to 9 with this but will keep it a little lower because I have only had it once.
The blend is the perfect amount of salt and sweetness and every ingredient is doing is part in making my mouth happy, hopefully my appetite too.

Packaging (6) I am into simple packaging, this really doesn't do it for me. I bought it because I saw a coconut on the front and something that looked like a peach, later to find out it was a mango. The back illustration is pretty nice, it breaks it down with little icons to tell you what you will soon be sticking inside your stomach. This is what moved the packaging up a notch. I also noticed they use the words "blend" and "mix." Two words that will always grab my attention.

Overall snackability rating (8) Even though they say this snack is for active lifestyles, my lazy self still enjoyed it.

Japanese Snack Week on Snack Attack!

I just got laced with a giant box of Japanese snacks courtesy of my good friend Chikara in Osaka. Each day this week, I'll be reviewing one of the many items included in this box. I've always been a big fan of Japanese snacks for the innovative ideas, explosive flavors, and mind-melting packaging, so this should be a very exciting week for all you snack lovers out there. Stay tuned!

Junior Mints

If Theee Casual Male wouldn't eat all the candy in the machine, I could review something like Rollos. Instead you get Junior Mints until "the candy man" reup's our stash. When I was younger, I think I had a bad experience with those peppermint patties (probably ate too many) so I have stayed away from Mint kinda candy. The last couple of months, I have warmed up to the cool flavor. Junior Mints are okay with me, I would rather eat some Sugar Babies instead.

The first thing you must know is that you are being lied to when they say "pure chocolate." If you read the side of the box you will see that they are adding artificial ingredients to their 'pure' chocolate. Guess it all depends on your version of pure (see baby picture above). They are softer than I had remembered, you can squish them easily with your tongue and the roof of your mouth. The mint filling is pretty creamily soothing and goes well with something like coffee. I would not recommend eating them on a hot day, which sadly would be the best time to eat them.

Taste (7) Good thing they are in little bite sized bits, you will get a headache if you eat them all too fast. I know, because I just did it and now have a headache. The taste is pretty okayish when enjoyed with moderation.

Packaging (7) I am really thankful that they have kept their retroish-minimal style. Looks like something you would have eaten in the 60's and that is okay with me. Because we all know most packaging designers are a bunch of loosers with photoshop. Yeah, I said it.

The package gives me all the false information I need to know, and communicates their snacking message to my taste buds.

Overall snackability rating (5) I wouldn't eat these a lot. Only when I am forced to when other people horde the candy. They are not fulfilling at all and can only fill a 'sugar fix.'

I got the juice now.

Veryfine® Pineapple Orange Flavored Juice Drink from Concentrate with Other Natural Flavors

Taste (8) This stuff is delicious. They keep nuff cans of it in the vending machine upstairs in our building and it's always my first choice. So much better than straight up orange sodas like Sunkist, Fanta, etc. It taste more like juice with some zip to it than a bubbly soft drink, but it's not super syrupy or overly-sweet like some pineapple orange juices can be.

Packaging (4) What a shitty can design. They totally took the worst typeface ever...


...and added an outline to the inside of the letters, making it even dumber and skinnier. Illustrator amateurs - please add your strokes to the OUTSIDE of your type.

The Veryfine machine design is really fresh. A complete Minute Maid knockoff, but it still looks dope. How did this new can design slip manage to through the cracks?

Overall drinkability rating (7) Recommended stuff.



Martinelli's Gold Medal® 100% Apple Juice

Taste (9) Really really really damn good apple juice. The whole "it's like drinking an apple" phrase is played out, but whatever, It's totally like drinking an apple.

Packaging (9) It's like drinking an apple out of a glass apple. Gorgeous and timeless design. Thank you for not allowing the corporate offices to force you to change the container design.

Overall drinkability rating (9)